Fear: The Main Force of Try-Harder Living

Do you ever fill your calendar too full?  I know I have.  In The Cure for the "Perfect" Life Kathi and Cheri talk about fear.  

They state:

"I was afraid of not being enough.  I couldn't figure out how to be more.  But I could do more.  And I could get more."

"But no matter how much money I spent, I never bought enough to make me feel like I was enough.  Instead, my ever-growing collections silently mocked me, highlighting my failures to become good enough as a wife, mother, and woman."

"I had two mutually exclusive identities: the ideal one in my head and the real one I was living day to day.  I didn't see how different they were.  Nor did I recognize the damage my fear-driven choices were causing."

Fear is a bully.  It picks at us making us feel unworthy of what God wants for us.  The ladies go on to say:

"The Try-Harder Living bullies demand that we live according to priorities that we don't really believe in, and they cause us to violate the values we do.  When we let them be our guides, they lead us off course, straight into deep, destructive behavioral ruts.  Once in, we don't realize that we should get out."

God doesn't want us to fear man or anything involving man.  The bible states we should fear God, not man.


"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."  ~Matthew 10:28 (NIV)

Fear does not come from God.  It comes from the deceiver.  Have you ever been in a position where fear overtook you and you couldn't move?  Maybe your knees shook or you started to sweat profusely.  Fear affects us all in different ways.  When my husband is out of town for business I do a lot of praying and sleep a lot lighter.  I think I could hear a pin drop during the night.  During the day our schedules are usually pretty busy but as night falls and we settle down for the night my mind feels like it is playing tricks on me though I think Satan is just having fun with me.  God allows these things so we will learn to depend on Him for our strength.

4 Universal Fears

1. Fear of Pain. Pain includes physical and emotional, actual and anticipated, my own and others'.  
2. Fear of Loss.  The threat of loss permeates our lives.  Most obvious is death: losing my own life or losing someone I love.  Loss of a dream can feel like a small death.
3. Fear of Blame.  "It's all your fault!" is the clarion call of blame.  Guilt and shame typically come along with blame.
4. Fear of Shame.  Shame is the sense that I am not worthy of love and belonging.  Shame tells me that not only am I alone in this world; I deserve to be left alone.  I am simultaneously "too much" and "not enough"; I am defective.  I haven't just made a mistake; I am a mistake.

"Fear enslaves us to the bullies, compelling us to behave according to their beliefs instead of our stated values."

Wow!  I could relate to so many examples of these universal fears.  They say that many people fear speaking in front of a crowd more than death.  Which do you fear more?  Both are quite scary to me.  I have spoken in front of church quite a few times now but for only short periods of times.  My hands sweat, my voice quivers, and my legs feel like rubber beneath me.  It takes so much to just stay on my feet.

Right now I have friends that are fighting for their children who are in other countries waiting to come home to the United States but the governments of those countries are not allowing them to leave their countries or its government is changing the laws making it harder.  Whether you are fighting for another person's life, learning to accept a hard diagnosis, or watching a loved one slip away...it is scary!  Fear overpowers us.  Tonight I pray that whoever reads this will remember that God is always with us and we don't need to be afraid.