A Time of Remembrance

There are some days where it is a blessing to have facebook but others when I wish I had never signed up.  Today is one of those days.  I unplugged from facebook for the weekend thinking I could catch up with everyone today.  The first thing I see when I open facebook is seeing that someone I knew and loved had passed from this life to Heaven.  Though I knew it was coming, I didn't want to find out through facebook.  Today I found out about a classmates sister passing away as well as a dear friend and coworker.  Why is facebook the place to announce these things?

Yesterday marked the 14th anniversary of the death of a young lady so full of life.  It feels like yesterday that accident happened.  She was attending college to become a RN.  She loved God and His people!  She was such a joy to know.  She always had a smile on her face.  She was 19 years old.  She was just out rollerblading and was hit by a truck.  Such a sad story but an accident none the less.  God was already working in and through her.

God had a plan for her grandpa, age 91, to meet her again on the anniversary of her death.  It was no coincidence that it was the same day 14 years apart or that she was 19 and he was 91.  I can picture them dancing in Heaven together.  Both happy and complete.

Though our hearts break when we lose a loved one we usually have the hope of seeing them again in Heaven.  

If you or a loved one are not a believer, please take a moment to look at these verses.

Here is a great place to look these up.  I would recommend the New Living Translation (NLT) or New International Version (NIV) for those that don't usually read the bible.  I prefer the New King James Version (NKJV).

Bible Gateway or Bible Hub

I love both of these websites!  I'll be praying for all who read this post.  God Bless!

Love

This chapter has really hit home.  What is love?  Who is love?  What does love look like?  What does love look like to me?  So many questions and so many convictions.

"There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love."  ~ 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

The New Living Translation offers a slightly different interpretation than the New International Version just listed.

"Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.  If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love."  ~ 1 John 4:18 (NLT)

Fear is a warning sign that indicates I've not fully experienced God's perfect love.  It isn't proof that I'm hopeless for not making myself perfect.  

The section in this chapter about loving myself was really hard!  "God's command to love ourselves recognizes that the degree to which we love (or don't love) ourselves profoundly influences our ability to love others.  We can't give away what we don't have.  If we're full of self-hatred, we can't give love.  If we're full of fear, we can't give respect.  We can give only what we have."

So many days I look in a mirror at myself and I feel like I don't know who the person in the mirror is.  When did I gain the muffin top, the wrinkles on my face, and the gray hairs that are starting to peek out?  How has time gone by so quickly that I don't recognize that it's me in the mirror?  Why is it so hard to love myself when I know that God loves me so much and that I feel so much love toward others.  I have always been told I can't love anyone until I love myself.  Deep down, I think I love myself and that is why I feel and experience love with my family and friends.


I've been known in years past to put on a mask and not let others know who I really am.  Today I can tell you that I am not hiding behind the mask anymore.  God is helping me to heal from the past and experience His real love.  Below I am sharing a graphic that lists ten ways for each of us to love.  I encourage you to look up the verses included.  Never forget that there is always someone who loves you, even if you don't feel like loving yourself.  i encourage you though to work on loving yourself.  I am a work in progress and I know that He loves me.

Please take a moment and check out Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory's new book The Cure for the "Perfect" Life.  You'll be glad you did.

Always remember that God is love.

"And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him."  ~ 1 John 4:16 (KJV)

Fear: The Main Force of Try-Harder Living

Do you ever fill your calendar too full?  I know I have.  In The Cure for the "Perfect" Life Kathi and Cheri talk about fear.  

They state:

"I was afraid of not being enough.  I couldn't figure out how to be more.  But I could do more.  And I could get more."

"But no matter how much money I spent, I never bought enough to make me feel like I was enough.  Instead, my ever-growing collections silently mocked me, highlighting my failures to become good enough as a wife, mother, and woman."

"I had two mutually exclusive identities: the ideal one in my head and the real one I was living day to day.  I didn't see how different they were.  Nor did I recognize the damage my fear-driven choices were causing."

Fear is a bully.  It picks at us making us feel unworthy of what God wants for us.  The ladies go on to say:

"The Try-Harder Living bullies demand that we live according to priorities that we don't really believe in, and they cause us to violate the values we do.  When we let them be our guides, they lead us off course, straight into deep, destructive behavioral ruts.  Once in, we don't realize that we should get out."

God doesn't want us to fear man or anything involving man.  The bible states we should fear God, not man.


"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."  ~Matthew 10:28 (NIV)

Fear does not come from God.  It comes from the deceiver.  Have you ever been in a position where fear overtook you and you couldn't move?  Maybe your knees shook or you started to sweat profusely.  Fear affects us all in different ways.  When my husband is out of town for business I do a lot of praying and sleep a lot lighter.  I think I could hear a pin drop during the night.  During the day our schedules are usually pretty busy but as night falls and we settle down for the night my mind feels like it is playing tricks on me though I think Satan is just having fun with me.  God allows these things so we will learn to depend on Him for our strength.

4 Universal Fears

1. Fear of Pain. Pain includes physical and emotional, actual and anticipated, my own and others'.  
2. Fear of Loss.  The threat of loss permeates our lives.  Most obvious is death: losing my own life or losing someone I love.  Loss of a dream can feel like a small death.
3. Fear of Blame.  "It's all your fault!" is the clarion call of blame.  Guilt and shame typically come along with blame.
4. Fear of Shame.  Shame is the sense that I am not worthy of love and belonging.  Shame tells me that not only am I alone in this world; I deserve to be left alone.  I am simultaneously "too much" and "not enough"; I am defective.  I haven't just made a mistake; I am a mistake.

"Fear enslaves us to the bullies, compelling us to behave according to their beliefs instead of our stated values."

Wow!  I could relate to so many examples of these universal fears.  They say that many people fear speaking in front of a crowd more than death.  Which do you fear more?  Both are quite scary to me.  I have spoken in front of church quite a few times now but for only short periods of times.  My hands sweat, my voice quivers, and my legs feel like rubber beneath me.  It takes so much to just stay on my feet.

Right now I have friends that are fighting for their children who are in other countries waiting to come home to the United States but the governments of those countries are not allowing them to leave their countries or its government is changing the laws making it harder.  Whether you are fighting for another person's life, learning to accept a hard diagnosis, or watching a loved one slip away...it is scary!  Fear overpowers us.  Tonight I pray that whoever reads this will remember that God is always with us and we don't need to be afraid.

Procrastination

"Procrastination is a master of misdirection."  That's how Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory start off chapter 4 of their book The Cure for the "Perfect" Life.  They go on to say: "Procractination is the practice of doing tasks that are less urgent but more fun before doing things that are more urgent but less fun."  

 Dictionary.com defines it like this:

Are you a procrastinator?  I know I have been at times.  Sitting down at the computer shows how much of a procrastinator I can be some days.  Here's an example of a procrastinator's day.

Maybe this has never happened to you but it has to me.  I can get up thinking I will get everything done on my to do list and then I think of one more thing I'd like to check online before I get up to start a load of laundry or make lunch or ...the list could go on and on.  Before I know it, we've passed lunch and it is almost time for my husband to come home from work.  What have  I accomplished?  Absolutely nothing of value.  Just yesterday I was going to prepare a document to take with me for the girls in my summer bible study.  It was a simple get to know you questionnaire.  We met at 3:30, I pulled the papers off the printer at 3:20.  I still had to get my daughters out the door and get there on time.  As a leader, shouldn't I be early to accept guests as they come?  Yes, I was on time but I had a week to complete this.  I guess I procrastinated.

Kathi and Cheri say: "When we procrastinate, we tend to do what we've always done and get the same results we've always gotten.  This means we're not growing."  I don't know about you but I want to grow.  I want to grow in my spiritual life and grow closer to God.

The last thing I want is for my daughters to become procrastinators.  It can be a very bad thing, especially when you have a paper to write or a project to complete.  There were definitely a few times while I was in school that I waited until Sunday evening to complete my homework and projects.  We have one very big disadvantage in our small town when we procrastinate.  The stores that stock anything we might need for our projects close early.  I've already experienced procrastination with my daughters and hope it doesn't become a habit for them.  It's definitely something we will need to start working on during the next school year.

Today I may look like a procrastinator because I am putting off housework and laundry to spend the afternoon with my girls at the county fair.  Time spent with my girls has been an excuse for why things haven't gotten done in the past.  Now I don't look at spending time with them as an excuse to not get something done.  Today I look at it as quality time where we make memories.  It is priceless time together that I will never regret.  Kids grow up in the blink of an eye and I don't want to miss a thing.  Go and make memories with your families.  Have a blessed day!

Performancism

What is performancism?  Honestly I had not heard the term before I started reading The Cure for the "Perfect" Life.  In Kathi and Cheri's book it is defined like this.

"Performancism is not the same things as a strong work ethic.  Nor is practicing a skill to mastery.  Just as workaholism is not merely working hard but an actual addiction to work, Performancism is a compulsive, insatiable craving for achievement."

A compulsive, insatiable craving for achievement...Wow!  That leads to another quote that left me wowed.

"Not only does Performancism cause us to neglect important relationships with people, but it distorts our most important relationship: with God"

They go on to say:

"Performancism tells us that performance will result in love.  

That's backward.

Love always leads us to take action.  But performance, on its own, can't produce love."

This is where I think performancism can be linked with people-pleasing.  Many times we perform to please others.  We make our calendars too full and our family thinks we're crazy.  They stated that performance can't produce love.  It can't produce friendship either.  If we're going to do things for our families, church body, or friends...it has to be done with the right intentions.  Do it to store up treasures in heaven but not on this earth.

Matthew 6:19-21New King James Version (NKJV)

Lay Up Treasures in Heaven

19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

People-Pleasing

Are you a people-pleaser?  I'm a recovering people-pleaser.  If you are it's okay.  I'm glad you are here!  If you aren't I'm so happy you are here too!  If you stopped by yesterday you know that I started reading Kathi and Cheri's book The Cure for the Perfect Life: 12 Ways to Stop Trying Harder and Start Living Braver.  Today I'm going to discuss chapter 2.

"People-Pleasing is not the same thing as love; in fact, in many cases it is a major cause of the erosion of love.  Nor is People-Pleasing the same thing as care, compassion, sympathy, or empathy."  The book goes on to say...

People-Pleasing involves:

• putting the wants of others above one's own needs
• avoiding conflict
• basing self-worth on others' reactions
• feeling trapped, often to the point of martyrdom, by others' needs
• and keeping silent about one's own needs, wants, and opinions

Do you ever feel like you are willing to do so much more for others than they are willing to do for you?  I love doing things for others but I have to learn when to say no.  Being willing to help others out has brought me to burnout more than once and I've felt used by them.  

I would much rather people like me because I'm me.  How about you?

This last picture really made me think.  What were we put on this earth for?  Was it to please people or to please God?  I believe it was to please God.  I believe we are here to bring honor and glory to the One who created us in our mother's wombs.  I'm ready to focus on pleasing Him instead of people.  Are you?  

One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 139.  God has been speaking to me so much through the verses in this chapter over the past few years.  Here are a few of my favorite verses.

Psalm 139:13-18 (NIV)

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

I hope you know that He created us and that all of us are so special to Him.

A New Week

It's Sunday.  We had a great sermon at church and then my amazing husband smoked a chicken and some delicious ribs for supper.  Yum!  

Sundays are a day of rest in our home.  We all enjoy our weekends so we can be together.  Today was a very warm day for us.  It was almost 90 degrees.  We've been having highs in the 60s and 70s so this was quite warm.  My favorite part of today was watching my daughters be kids.  They went outside in their swimsuits and turned on the water and sprayed each other.  Our outside water only has one temperature.  It's quite cold but on a day like today I'm sure it felt good.  While they played, my husband mowed the lawn and I was working on getting some cleaning done and some baking.  Thank you God for air conditioning!  The anticipation of fresh caramel rolls was in the air.  My youngest daughter kept asking when they would be ready to eat.  To all of our amusement, we ended up with caramel roll bites.  You see, the bread dough had been in the freezer for what must have been too long.  The dough didn't rise but we enjoyed every bite anyway.  

Things in life don't always turn out how we want them to but we make the best of them.  We don't need to strive for perfection.  Besides, we can't be perfect on this side of Heaven.  We don't need to be perfect.  We just need to be who God created us to be.

Do you struggle with the perfectionism bully?  I know I do from time to time.  When my daughter folds the laundry but not the way I like it or loads the dishwasher but not the way my husband or I like it and we go and "fix" it.  Maybe you are the type that will go to a friend's home and you see a picture on the wall that's crooked.  If you can't just let it be and you have to straighten it you might struggle with the perfectionism bully.  

Currently I am reading a book that is releasing August 1st.  It is titled The Cure for the "Perfect" Life: 12 Ways to Stop Trying Harder and Start Living Braver.  Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory are very down to earth and willing to share so much about their try-hard living.  I will be doing some blog posts regarding this book over the next few days.  Please follow the link and check their book out.

A Fresh Start

I started this blog originally in May of 2011.  I meant to use it as my online journal and to keep myself accountable.  I didn't make it for too long.  The title to my blog used to be called...Finding Myself.  Have you ever lost who you are?  How about who you are in Jesus?  He says we are His children.  He loves us unconditionally.  I decided to change my blog title after I found this graphic.

It really made me think.  Where do we get our identities?  Growing up I was always Hal's daughter, when I married I became Greg's wife, and after I had my girls I was known as their mom.  Somewhere I felt like I lost my identity but I didn't.  I just want to become a better me.  I am working on changing myself from the inside out and I know that God has an amazing plan for me!  Then I found this graphic.  I love it!

I just want to discover who God created me to be.  I want to listen to His voice and do what He wants me to do.  What about you?   Do you know who God created you to be?